Over the past year, I’ve been putting in a lot of work in the self-discovery/self-growth/self-love areas. And something I’ve noticed is I’m becoming a lot more comfortable with topics I used to be really bashful over. I think I’ve always had big opinions and passions and thoughts, but I was always a little too embarrassed to explore them (stifled may be more accurate, but that’s for a different post.) Today I want to talk about 5 things I used to be embarrassed by but now am learning to embrace.
I’ve done a couple other posts like this over the years and touched base on things like my period, overcoming the awkwardness of buying condoms, and being on an anti-depressant. All things I did learn to overcome being embarrassed by. But I feel this list is even more special. Big perspective shifts were happening this year, and I think I’m really starting to love myself.
no. 1 | acne & breakouts
I started taking the birth control pill at 15 due to never-ending periods. But a convenient consequence of that was not really dealing with acne throughout my teenage years. Of course, I’d have the occasional breakout, but I wouldn’t say I ever struggled with it.
When I go off The Pill in 2019, however, I started dealing with some pretty intense, cystic hormonal breakouts. And, I mean … I didn’t love it.
Not only did I not know how to truly combat acne in terms of skincare, there were days I wasn’t feeling quite like myself. But the thing I kept repeating was how glad I was to be dealing with acne as an adult rather than a teen.
Adult Jacqie was able to shrug it off and think to herself, “Ok. This isn’t a big deal. Who cares if someone sees my pimple? It’s hormonal acne. What can you do?” I didn’t always feel the need to cover it with heavy makeup. In fact, I often went #nomakeup. Teen Jacqie would have felt so insecure and flawed.
no. 2 | my nose
I always thought my nose was going to need work as an adult. I just felt like it was too big for my face. Post a profile shot? Not a chance! Not to mention, nose jobs are so common these days, I feel like we’ve all thought about it.
External validation isn’t the only thing contributing to whether or not you love parts of your body, but the compliments I’ve gotten on my nose in the past year have helped me learn to love it.
I was always taken back by these compliments, because I genuinely hated my nose. But now I think it’s just one of those features that makes me look like me.
no. 3 | my boobs
When I was a teen, I remember the women on my favorite TV shows having these perfect looking, large breasts and always being lusted after by the men of the show. I, however, was a cute A-cup until my junior year of college.
And I won’t lie, I used to be really self-conscious about it. I remember thinking that I didn’t truly feel like a woman without big boobs. So I had it in my head I’d eventually get implants.
In 2022, though, I absolutely love my boobs. They’re stilly perky. They’re not causing back pain. I’d still consider them small, but I’ve grown to love it.
no. 4 | sharing my work with others
Heartbreak led me to truly delve back into writing this year, and I’ve never felt more like myself.
I used to write lyrics – it was my escape hobby and how I dealt with emotion.
Now I’ve jumped head first into recapturing that through poetry. It’s still a beautiful hobby, but I’m starting to take it more seriously – which has included actually sharing it with others.
Poetry is intimate and personal, so it’s terrifying to share that with someone, especially someone who is in the position for properly critique and criticize.
But I have felt such conviction in my writing that it doesn’t even matter. I love it so much, negative comments don’t even phase me. And that’s been so powerful.
I have been sharing poems here and there on Instagram, so be sure to follow along!
no. 5 | spirituality & my beliefs
I grew up in a pretty typical Christian small-town. So I always felt out of place when I noticed myself gravitating more toward witch lore and certain rituals and beliefs within native communities. I suppressed it.
As an adult, I’m noticing what I gravitated to was mindsets and a focus on honoring the earth and community.
People may think my ritual of pulling a tarot card to set the tone for the day is a waste of time or ~weird.~ But like prayer or confession, it’s how I make sense of what’s happening inside of me.
I don’t get bothered anymore to reactions about certain beliefs I hold. They don’t have to resonate with everyone. Spirituality is so personal. And that’s perfectly alright.
Is there anything you used to be embarrassed by that you’ve learned to love since? I’d love to hear about them!
xx,
Jacqie
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